The
problems we face in the mental health field are considerable.
With the system we currently have there appears to be, as
with lots of other areas, much under funding. Yet for the
Government to pour lots more funding into this, and into
all other needful areas, would be putting too much upon
the taxpayer.
I
believe that there is a very simple and basic solution here
in the mental health field. We are trying to start the intervention
process for mental health problems far too late. This means
that by the time intervention occurs, the solution for troubled
individuals is too expensive, and too time-consuming to
be effectively and comprehensively done.
It then becomes necessary to fall back on the solution of
medication, which though often quite effective, is not really
the best solution in the long term. There are often quite
awful side effects, and the recipient can come to believe
that the side effect they are experiencing is a phenomenon
generated by their mental ill health condition. This can
result in a drop of morale and self-confidence, and a further
increase in the level of drug dependency. The other problems
that we are all aware of are the horrific things that can
happen when people stop taking the prescribed medications!
The system just does not seem always able to cope with this.
The
solution here is not to wait until mental health disintegrates,
at which time the treatment is costly, and not able to properly
cope. We need to set up and activate a program for younger
teenagers so that they learn how to understand, and know
their way around in the territory of the mind, and so know
how to keep emotionally and mentally fit and healthy. This
can be achieved quite easily and simply by presenting young
people with a few very basic facts, either in the classroom
on a similar basis to the way sex education is delivered,
or possibly to present it by way of the internet, or some
of both.
Such
a program could be delivered in about six once weekly forty-to
sixty-minute classroom sessions, to cover both the informative
facts, and the practical side of the program.
Another,
possibly even better delivery, would be the same program
being given in special evening sessions by specially trained
people. These people would move from school to school, delivering
the program. The parents would be requested to attend and
to participate in these sessions. They would then understand
what their children were being taught, and be able to understand
and support them in the application of the practical methods
being instructed. They would also find these very useful
to use for themselves whenever they might become upset, emotionally frustrated
or stressed, and so know how to regain a happy equilibrium
whenever needed.
The
results of this program, if maintained, should result in
young adults coming through with much reduced levels of
emotional and mental health problems, and a marked reduction
in the suicide rate.
The
Program
First
Session: Your Emotions and your feelings.
The
following are the facts you need to know to keep healthy
and on top of your life.
1.
Your emotions and your mind are allies. They
work together.
Your
emotions are feelings like serenity, joy, enthusiasm, happiness,
boredom, anger, frustration, fear, sadness, grief, and despair.
Look
after your emotions and your mind will look after you !
Your
mind will stay fit and well.
2. Healthy emotions
put power into your actions.
Unhealthy
emotions spoil your actions and cause problems in your life.
3. Unhealthy emotions,
like blocked upset feelings, feeling frustrated or stressed,
are called charged emotions.
4. Squash or hold down
charged emotions too much, and your mind will begin to squash
you!
Held
down upset emotions are stored away in the cupboard of the
mind. The energy of them, if not cleared and discharged,
builds a pressure like a balloon with too much air in it
that will burst out the moment too much is pushed in there.
If you don’t learn how to clear them, and so release the
pressure, it can cause you problems that undermine a healthy
mind.
Rule:
Always release and clear away
charged emotions at the soonest possible time. It’s best
to do it the same day they happen.
That
is how you look after your emotions and keep your mind healthy.
You
do not clear your emotions by suppressing them for too long.
We all have to hold back our charged emotions sometimes
to stop things getting out of hand. But we should move to
clear them, and regain happiness soon afterwards.
5. There are two main
ways to clear up charged emotions.
The
first way is to find a friend who you know will understand
you. You can listen when needed to each other about your
difficulties, your upsets and problems, and so let off all
your steam.
The
second way which you can use all through your life to discharge
any charged emotions, upsets, stress or frustration is the
simple practical method called Emotional Release Affirmations.
Emotional
Release Affirmations
The
system for releasing and discharging (de-energising) upset
feelings, frustrations, and day-to day stresses is really
very simple. This has two parts. The first part prepares
you for doing the second and main part (discharging and
clearing out all upset feelings).
Part
1:
(a) Put the uppermost upset feeling into words.
This
is the main feeling (emotion) of upset, or stress, or frustration
that you have. There is probably more than one upset feeling,
but we take one at a time. This is because trying to release
all upset feelings at the same time is difficult, and may
just stir up or intensify the upset, so we first want the
one that most of your attention is on. Let’s say that we
express it in the following way: “I feel very, very angry.”
(b) Change the above statement into its opposite.
This
gives you the affirmation we’re going to use. In this case,
suitable wordings would be “I feel totally calm and peaceful”,
or “ I feel absolutely at peace
with everything”. It must not express any negatives, (like
“I do not feel angry”)
The
reason we change the statement of the upset into its opposite
is that this opposite, each time it is stated, provokes
you to protest the untruth of what it says. By this means,
you are provoked into releasing a little of the upset feeling.
Part
2:
Using
the Affirmation
By
doing several cycles of stating the affirmation, and then
responding by expressing the truth of how you really do
feel, little by little you express and discharge all of
the feelings that were suppressed at the time the upset
or frustration happened. This now leaves you feeling released
from that portion of the upset where in the example above
you felt angered.
There
are two ways that your session can be done:
(a)
Verbally, and out loud, giving fully voiced expression to
any feeling that arises in response to saying the affirmation.
This is the best method, because it allows thoughts and
feelings to be fully and effectively released.
(b)
Silently, but expressed both with words and feelings in
the privacy of your mind. It’s often difficult to find a
private place where these sorts of things can be expressed
out loud without being overheard, and this can cause unwanted
interruption or other problems. However, when you get fluent
with the method it can still be very good for giving relief
from upset feelings to use this second method.
Session
Steps
1.
State the affirmation and watch for a response within your
thoughts and feelings to saying the affirmation.
2.
Express those thoughts and feelings (briefly).
3.
Check off and away the portion of emotional charge that
you just released by saying one of the following: “ok”,
“good”, “thank you”, “fine”, “alright”, or something similar.
4.
Do steps 1 to 3 again and again, until you have relieved
and discharged that part of the upset that was provoked
by saying the affirmation. At this point, repeating the
affirmation provokes no further inner response. This step
normally doesn’t take more than a few minutes.
5.
Scan how you now feel inwardly. Do you feel full relief,
or is there another, and different feeling of upset from
the one you just released that now needs clearing. For example,
you just cleared out the anger, but now, that’s gone, and
you feel better, but there’s a feeling of grief that was
hidden before by the anger. If there’s nothing left and
you feel full relief, you end off the session. If there
is another upset feeling, you deal with it with all of the
previous method, Parts 1(a) and 1 (b), and Part 2.,
(steps 1 to 5 above), until the whole thing has been cleared,
and you are feeling happy again.
The
following is an example of how to do a correctly done and
effective session.
A
Sample Emotional Release Affirmation Session
First,
let’s set up an imaginary example as a background for what
happened to cause the upset that we are going to clear by
doing our session.
Scene: My name is Andrew. Last week,
my older brother Joe noticed that I had something on my
mind. It was about an embarrassing incident that had happened
to my best friend recently, to do with his girlfriend. I
wasn’t going to tell anybody about it, but Joe kept asking
me what was up. He wouldn’t leave it alone even though I
tried several times to put him off. He got miffed, and said
didn’t I trust him anymore. I made him promise not to tell
anyone, and so I confided about it to him.
This
morning I’ve found out that he’s told someone else and now
the word has got around about it. My friend is going to
be furious with me, and our friendship will be at risk.
I’ feel totally gutted, and I don’t know how to handle it,
until I remember about this method we got taught recently
for clearing and releasing upsets in such a way that no
damage or hurt is caused anywhere.
It’s
supposed to clear the upset just a little at a time, so
it’s not unpleasant to do, and yet it’s supposed to work
easily and quickly. I get out and go over the notes I have
about how to do it, so here’s a record of the proceedings.
Explanatory
notes, guidance, and helpful comments will be put in brackets.
(This
session is how it’s done when you have full privacy, and
no sounds that you make will be misunderstood by anyone
around, or lead to someone interrupting
you. If you don’t have full privacy, you will need to express
anything vocal, or anything that makes noise, in the privacy
of your mind’s eye and inner mental space. Examples such as shouting, groans, screams, or animal-like sounds,
or sounds of hitting or kicking things etc.)
Part
1.
(a):
Exactly how do I feel right now? (If more than one feeling,
take the uppermost or strongest one first --- we can deal
with any others when this one is cleared). ------ Answer:
“ I feel totally gutted.”
(b):
Change the wording of how I feel to its opposite = “I feel
absolutely fantastic.”
Part
2.
Step
1: State the affirmation, and focus full attention to watching
for any thought or feeling you get that’s provoked in response
to the affirmation:
“ I feel absolutely fantastic.”
Step
2: Express any thought or feeling you are getting in response
to the affirmation:
“ That’s
absolute rubbish -- I feel totally gutted!” (This
releases a feeling of protest that I suppressed when I discovered
my brother betrayed my confidence. Also, my body feels limp
and saggy, like it’s lost its vital energy, so I allow my
body to express and clear that by letting it physically
sag for a few moments, until the feeling clears.)
Step
3:
Check
off and away the physical and emotional charge that was
just released:
“ Ok, that’s good.”
Step
4:
Repeat
steps 1 to 3, over and over, until all the upset stimulated
by saying the affirmation, has cleared:
1. “ I feel absolutely fantastic.”
2. “ No, not me! ---- I’m totally in grief because
I will probably lose my best friend through this.”
3. “ Thank
you.”
1. “ I
feel absolutely fantastic.”
2. (Am watching for another feeling to surface when I say
the affirmation, but nothing seems to come this time. This
means that all of the upset to do with “feeling totally
gutted” has been discharged and cleared. S0 now we check
off completion of that affirmation:
3.“ OK. That’s good, that ends off that part of the upset, very good!”
(Now
we have to see if there’s another part of the episode that
hasn’t yet been cleared. If it’s all been cleared, there
will be a sense of relief and release from all of the upset,
and the session can be ended. There will be a feeling of
being back at peace with things.
However,
there can be other parts to the upset, which were not to
do with “feeling gutted” and so may only be cleared using
new affirmations. For this particular example we’re going
to have one more part to the upset, and so we now start
off again with a new part 1.
Part
1.
(a) “How
do I now feel?” ------ “
I feel very angry with Joe.”
(b) Change the wording of how I now feel, to its opposite,
i.e.,
“I feel very pleased with Joe.”
Part
2.
1: “I
feel very pleased with Joe.”
2:
“Like
hell I do, I’m totally pissed off with him!”
3: “Ok.”
1: “ I feel really pleased with Joe.”
2: (I notice that when I said that, I really felt like snarling.
And so I let go three animal-like snarls. ----“ Snaaaar --- Snaaaar ----- Snaaarsh !!!
---- That feels better!”
3: “Very
good!”
1: “I
feel really pleased with Joe.”
2: “Like
f___ I do, I just feel like smashing everything!” ------ (I begin to kick a pile of newspapers that have been put
there for the session, in case feelings like this arise.
This goes on for about 15 seconds, and then I break out
in a spontaneous uncontrolled laughter of complete release.
Sweat rolls down my forehead, and suddenly I feel totally
free of all the upset.
I realise that this was what I felt like doing to Joe when
I discovered he had betrayed me, but I had to hold down
and suppress such a rage. But now I’m free of it all.
3: “Excellent!
--- End of session.”
(Note:
It doesn’t need to end off so dramatically always, because
this is usually a little by little release of feelings.
But such a dramatic release is something that can sometimes
happen, and so if it does, don’t be totally surprised.)
The
important thing is that when you stop getting any thoughts
or feelings in response to stating the affirmation, you
end off from doing that particular affirmation, otherwise
you will begin to feel frustrated and upset again. You then
check with “How do I feel now?” If there’s another upset
feeling to be released, you use the same method and sequence
as above to clear it. You do all of the steps and checks
so far described until there are no more upset feelings
or frustrations left to need releasing. At this point, you
should be feeling lighter in spirit and at peace again,
and so you end off the session.
Some
important things to note:
Firstly,
this method of Emotional Release Affirmations for clearing
upset and suppressed feelings is not to be confused with
another kind of affirmation that you may come across. That
is the Positive Affirmation method, which uses the affirmations
in a totally different way. The positive statement of an
affirmation, (for example, “ I
feel happy and at peace”) is simply repeated over and over,
with the idea being to install those positive feelings into
the subconscious mind.
This
method may work for some people, but my experience is that
where there are strong feelings or frustrations that contradict
the affirmation, then the subconscious mind finds it very
difficult to accept the spirit of the affirmation. This
is because the upset provokes a feeling of protest that
the affirmation is not true.
In
this event, it’s much more effective to use our Emotional
Release Affirmation method to clear out all the upsets and
frustrations, and then we find that our underlying natural
positivity comes back to us as our dominant feeling.
Our
second note is especially important. We might well ask why
bother using our emotional release method when perhaps we
could simply just release all our feelings at once either
at the time of the upset, or later on.
Firstly,
things can get complicated if feelings are all let go at
the time of an upset. That can easily lead to a ‘firefight’
situation, where the whole situation escalates out of control,
because everyone involved is now going to react to our uncontrolled
emotional ‘assault’, and let go their own emotional attack.
Usually this winds up with everyone being upset and you
probably end up feeling worse.
The
other option, discharging all of the upset feelings and
frustrations later on, but in a spontaneous and uncontrolled
way without bothering to use our Emotional Release Affirmation
method, has pitfalls and difficulties. Our affirmation method
is very easy, and because it’s a little-by-little process,
discharge of the upset is efficient, and doesn’t go into
overload where the release of upset energy gets jammed.
This overload often happens when uncontrolled release of
the upset is attempted. The result is then that all of the
different parts of the upset and all of the different feelings
in it, all get stirred up together, but not released. This
leaves you feeling even worse than before. Even if you could
clear all the upset this way, your sudden release of energy
may be violent, and so damaging to property, or possibly
anyone nearby! It’s much better to use the affirmations.
Second
Session: Your Mind.
A
healthy mind is like a computer. Your mind works mainly
by using various kinds of mental images. These can be pictures
in the ‘mind’s eye’, like memory pictures, or creative imagination
pictures, or hearing in the ‘mind’s ear’, as we do with
music that we like. They can be in the form of thoughts,
ideas, attitudes, and so on. Or they can be other kinds
of symbols such as words, numbers, or musical and mathematical
symbols. We use all of these, and more in the processing
that goes on in the computer of the mind.
And
so, the mind divides up into two basic activities using
all of these images and symbols:
1.
Creative imagining of mind’s
eye pictures, images and symbols
2.
Thought processes (the processing
of pictures, ideas, attitudes, images and symbols)
Creative
imaging includes:
Making
and storing memories in the form of picture images of our
experiences
Creative
imagination in the form of mental-image pictures in the
‘mind’s eye’
Thought
processes:
These
include the very many mental abilities and functions that
we have, some of the main ones being:
Interpretation
of all the sensory perceptions that we receive
Logical
reasoning
Evaluating,
estimating and making judgements
Analysing
(discovering and noting all of the separate things that
go to make up something)
Synthesising
(working out what separate things can be put into combinations
so as to make new things.)
Assigning
labels and categories to things, which give them meaning
Awareness
of the differences and similarities in the things we see
Setting
goals for ourselves, and energising actions to achieve them
by the mind-power of motivation and intention
Decision
making and planning
Creating,
using, and holding thoughts, ideas, opinions, and attitudes
about life, the world, and the universe in which we exist
Forming
mental grooves (habits), and reflexes
---------------------------------
The
above is not necessarily a complete list, but it gives you
a good idea of how amazing and magical are the powers of
our mind. It is a wonderful computer, and is really worthy
of all of the care we can give to it.
To
stay healthy, we need to control and guide our mind, and
what it does. An unhealthy mind without your direction will
set up unhelpful habits, and may bypass your own wishes,
and act against your best interests. It may then become
clogged and inefficient, and cause difficulties.
How to care for your mind
1. As emphasised in the first session, always discharge and clear upset
emotions and feelings, and any impulses attached to them.
2. Work in a useful positive way with the following law of the mind:
Where attention goes, energy flows. You have the power to choose to guide where
you place and focus your attention. You can give attention
to things and ideas that will help you to improve your life
and your understanding, or you can allow a bad habit to
form; that is to let your focus drift to unhelpful
ideas and thoughts. These are often called negative
self-talk, which is letting one’s attention
dwell upon ideas about one’s self, or others, or about life,
that are unhealthy, and if allowed to continue too
long, can undermine your life. If you get to know your way
around your mind, emotions and feelings, and your deeper
soul, you will find it easy to avoid such a trap. But before
expanding on how to use that knowledge to your advantage,
let’s be clear about the kind of negative ideas not to bother
to waste your energy upon.
They
are unhelpful ideas or any word-thought that is a put-down
of one’s-self or others, or about life, or things in your
life like; “I’m no good at anything”, or “I always make
mistakes,” “Joe is an idiot”, or “life is no good.” There
are endless examples you could think of. Life may be far
from perfect, but we can put energy in helpful ideas to
improve things for ourselves and for others. Bothering to
let attention dwell in negative ideas can lead to life becoming
undermined and unhappy.
Why
would you bother to water a garden full of weeds, including
some poisonous ones, and with no vegetables or flowers in
it? You would though, be happy to water a garden full of
usable crops or beautiful flowers. It’s just the same with
the mind, only instead of water, it’s giving your thought
energy to something that fosters it and makes it grow.
Here are some helpful facts that will assist you with
this.
1.
Uncleared upset emotions
and feelings find it easy to attach themselves
to negative and undermining thoughts. This gives them a
power charge that can cause you problems.
This
is why it’s so important to use the two methods given in
session number one for clearing upset feelings and emotions.
2.
Negative thoughts can only
persist or be a problem if upset feelings and emotions give
them power. Clear the upsets, and
the negative thoughts fade away and die with no harm done.
Third Session: Morale
Do
not underestimate the value of having a tool with which
to raise your feeling of morale
at those times in your life when you feel down and alone.
Sometimes things seem to go in threes when something goes
wrong, and it can feel demoralising when there’s one blow
after another.
On
the other hand, when your spirits are up, and morale is
good, it’s easy to cruise along, with everything going fine,
or you even get ‘on a roll’, and everything you touch ‘turns
to gold’ and you seem to be able to do nothing wrong.
It
seems to be a parallel to what happens with what we call
‘momentum’ on the physical level of things. Once something
gets rolling, as it gathers speed it gets harder and harder
to stop it, because of its momentum.
Rule: Always act quickly to repair your morale when
it falls. That way you maintain your momentum, your feeling of wellbeing, and the ability to do well in life.
There
are a few guidelines to be followed in this, which we will
outline first. Then we will detail a simple method you can
quickly and easily use to restore your wellbeing.
Traps not to fall into
Some
people try to lift their morale by doing things that they
enjoy, but which also endanger their eventual wellbeing,
and in doing such things can cause real and difficult problems
for themselves.
For
example, going gambling, which after a success or two can
become a destructive addiction, and the victim finds it
almost impossible to stop, even when it all goes wrong,
and debts mount up, and other wrongs are done to find money
for the habit. Another is what some people call ‘shopping
therapy’. That’s all very well for the wealthy, but some
can’t seem to help it once it’s given them a ‘high’ a few
times. That again can cause financial difficulties, and
from that, family strains and relationship problems.
Another
often much more serious example is using drugs to get on
a ‘high’, and so getting hooked on them. This can lead to
crime in order to pay for the habit. From there come family
problems, and sometimes, serious mental problems from the
misuse of the drugs. We have all heard of some of the awful
things that people on ‘P’ have done for example.
Here is a much better way. Please keep all of these
notes so you can use this method when you need it!
Listed
here are things from your life you are to bring back to
mind one after the other, and to dwell upon for a few moments,
and to enjoy and savour. You continue to do this until you
feel happier, and have a sense that you’ve slipped into
a better personal space --- or that you’ve moved into a
higher gear with your personal energy, and feel restored.
If
doing this once does not fully restore your morale, you
can do it again once each day, until you have stabilised
your recovery of wellbeing. But do not overdo it in any
one session. If you move into a happier space and feeling,
don’t keep on doing it until boredom sets in, or else you
might slip out of that pleasant space that you went into.
List
of memories for morale boosting.
During each of
these remembrances, savour it for a few moments and re-experience
how it felt. When you have completed that, check it off
and away by saying ‘Ok’, or ‘good’, or ‘fine, to register
that you’ve done that one and checked it off, and are ready
for the next one. You can either do that out loud, or if
you prefer, you can say it to yourself mentally with
your inner voice. ------- Do not omit this, it
is important, and you do this checking off upon completion
of every action given to you to do in any of the practical
exercises in this program.
Take
as long as you need with each of these until you have found
one, but if you really haven’t had one of
the experiences listed, that’s ok, just move on to the next
on the list. But don’t just give up on recalling one
of them because it takes a little while, and you lose patience.
Start
at the top now, and work through the list, following all
the instructions given above.
Think
of a time when you enjoyed yourself. ----- Very good.
Remember
a time that was interesting. ------ Ok.
Bring
to mind a time you were pleased with something you did.
------ Good.
Remember
a time you liked someone else very much. ------ Alright.
Bring
to memory a time someone else liked you lots. ------ Very
good.
Locate
a time that you were pleased with someone else. ------ Ok.
Remember
a time you liked communicating with someone. ------ Good.
Visualise
in your life a time you sensed that someone liked communicating
with you. ------ Alright.
Remember
a time someone was pleased with you. ------ Good.
Re-experience
a time in your life that was special. ------ Ok.
Remember
a time you achieved something. ------ Good.
Bring
to mind a time that you enjoyed a trip somewhere. ------
Ok.
Think
of when you met a new person in your life who
was special. ----Ok .
Remember
a time someone felt you were special. ------ Very good.
Savour
again a time when you felt excited. ------ Ok.
Recall
again a moment when you attained a goal. ------ Alright.
Remember
a time you had a special insight about something. -----Good.
Recapture
again a time that your body felt really good. ------ Ok.
Remember
feeling really in tune with what was going on. ------ Good.
Bring
to mind when you did well at something. ------ Alright.
Visualise
again a time when you were pleased with some help you gave.
--- Good.
Remember
a moment of fulfilment. ------ Ok.
Think
of when you did something creative that you enjoyed. ------
Very good.
Relive
an enjoyable moment at a dance, or sporting activity, or
other body- exercise or experience. ------ Good.
Remember
a time you were in harmony with someone else. ------ Ok.
In
your mind, re-experience a time that you overcame a difficulty.
------ Good.
Recall
a peak experience. ------ Alright.
Bring
to mind a time someone helped you that made a difference
to your life. ------ Good.
Remember
something that was so funny you couldn’t stop yourself laughing.
------ Ok.
Think
of something you found really interesting. ------ Ok.
Remember
something that you enjoyed when you were young. ------ Good.
Okay now, I think this list is good enough to give you the
idea, so if you want, you can add to the list with your
own choice of special moments. Or, you can go through this
list again, finding some different moments in your life.
I hope though, that you didn’t go on past a significant
energy-shift that leaves you feeling lighter and brighter.
If you did that, just put it down to experience. You will
soon get the idea from trial and error.
If you did continue past the energy-shift moment, you can
stop for a minute now to recall how you felt when the shift
occurred. Just re-experience how it felt, for a few moments,
and recall any feeling of clarity, pleasant feeling, or
insight that you experienced. Then end off the exercise.
You can do this exercise again, any time you feel you need
a boost to your spirits. You do not necessarily need to
do the whole list each time, but just until you feel more
cheerful.
--------------------------------
Fourth Session: Goals, Choices, and Intention.
Whatever else life is all about, one thing cannot be disputed.
Life is an adventure! An
adventure
requires challenges, goals, and making choices.
Challenges
It is impossible to have an adventure, or any sort of challenge
without the possibility of adversity, difficulty, or, sometimes
even, pain. Remember the old adage, “every cloud has
a silver lining.” In this case, adversity of whichever
kind is the ‘cloud’ that enables us to have the ‘silver
lining’ of adventure. If things go wrong, always look for
a way to turn things around. Be patient and a way will usually
present itself.
Make it a valuable rule of your life that when adversity
of any kind comes your way, that you see it as part of a
new adventure. Very often, by relaxing about it in this
way, we are enabled to look for and find new opportunities
and solutions (silver linings) hidden in the clouds of adversity.
When problems and difficulties arise and you cannot see any
way around it, a good plan is just to delay action, park
the problem and await the inspiration for a solution to
present itself from the uncharted deeper waters of the inner
self. Hidden there are many treasures and resources. Sometimes
the answer will present itself to you in a day or so, or
sometimes a little longer. Sometimes you just wake up in
the morning with the answer.
Another thing that helps here is to work to develop a good
practical philosophy of life that will stand you in good
stead when things get tough.
Intention
To succeed with our goals we need an important energy of
the mind called INTENTION. Intention strengthens and motivates
us. It is what we use to carry into action the things we
have decided to do.
Intention is strong when morale is high.
Intention is weak when morale is low.
As with any ability we have, there can be a downside as well
as an upside to a strong intention. It’s fine to win your
objectives against all opposition from others who have intentions
that oppose your own intentions, especially when they are
in some kind of team or group that’s fundamentally opposed
to the goals and purposes that you stand for.
The downside is when your opposition comes from someone
with whom you have a close relationship, like a family member,
a loved one, or a friend. Also when it comes from someone
in your own team or group, or from someone with whom you
need to have a good working relationship. The danger here
is that both sides can’t win, and the one who over-rides
the other with stronger force of intention can trigger off
a deteriorating relationship with the other person.
If this sort of situation were to be widespread, there would
be all sorts of firefights going on that would damage otherwise
good relationships. This isn’t always easy to repair, and
so in such a situation it’s much better to achieve your
objective by friendly persuasion. Another way is to arrive
at a consensus, or a deal in which each one gives up something
to the other, so that you both win something, and a useful
and valuable working relationship or friendship is maintained.
Now, returning to our main topic of morale, I wonder if you’ve
ever come across someone who keeps talking about all the
things they’re going to do, but they seldom get to do anything.
This is a person whose morale is damaged. Do not become
one of them. Use Emotional Release Affirmations from our
first session and the Recall Exercises from our third session,
as well as the insights in these pages. This will keep your
morale high, so you can gather the momentum that puts you
‘on-a-roll’, and adds a special magic to your life.
Goals and Objectives
There are different types of goals and objectives that we
can have. First, let’s define what we mean here when we
use these terms.
Goals
Here, we are talking about purposes that we are going to
work to achieve.
Objectives
These are sub-goals that we select when we divide a major
goal up into smaller bits, each of which, when achieved,
brings us a step closer to the attainment of the overall
goal.
Types
of Goal
Basic
Goal is our main and overall goal in life. Every other
major goal we have in life seems to connect with it. It
is to do with the most fundamental purpose we have in living.
Very often it forms quite early in life. Sometimes it almost
seems as though we are born with it. It is important to
our wellbeing that we consciously identify exactly what
is our basic goal. Otherwise we can be distracted from what
is really important to us, and use too much energy in things
that don’t really give satisfaction or, a deeper sense of
fulfilment.
Major
Goals are the main goals that we have for the major subdivisions
of life. They should be in harmony with our Basic Goal, Otherwise we water down our life-purpose. Examples are
our main goals to do with things like family, work, hobbies,
friendship, relationships, groups that we belong to, and
other main sections of our lives.
Minor
Goals are significant but smaller goals that we have.
They might relate to our more important goals, or may not.
There are many of them and can be added to quite frequently
as other ones are attained.
Examples: to have a better motor car; to go to see a ballet
performance, or opera; to go somewhere interesting for the
annual holiday period, or to visit a friend next week. They
add spice to our lives, but can be sacrificed if needed,
when a more important goal demands the time involved.
Provisional
goals are goals we make which will only be activated
if certain other things come to happen which make the provisional
goal either advantageous, or necessary to work upon.
Creative
goals are goals that add something positive to life
in general or to the enjoyment of life by self and others.
Destructive
goals are goals that cause harm either to others, or
self, or other parts of existence. They might or might not
have been meant to cause harm, but because of wrong ideas,
or carelessness, or traumatic events and upsets, damage
is caused.
Choices
The whole of life could be seen to be a procession of different
choices that we make, one after
the other. The interesting thing here is that each choice
we make deals us up a different menu of the next choices
we must select from, for what to do next.
The problem with this is that if we choose without proper
thought of where our choice is going to lead us, we can
end up on a slippery slope of choices that look relatively
harmless, but in fact, are far from it.
We may certainly have the right to make our own mistakes rather
than the ones other people try to foist off on us. But,
remember this, ----- mistakes (bad choices) all come at
a price. Maybe that price is more than you want to pay.
So look ahead in order that you can see the choices that
will be on the next menu that will be served up to you as
a result of any choice you might be selecting to follow
from the present menu you are facing.
I’m sure that you can all think of good examples yourselves,
but a frequent choices pitfall often fallen into by the
unwary, is in our choice of those with whom we are going
to hang about. You might, for instance admire someone for
a quality they have that attracts you, and so you close
your eyes to (or perhaps don’t even notice) other qualities
they have that will later put you under pressure to act
in ways that you, of yourself, would never choose. Especially
when such a person is adept at manipulating others with
well-practised emotive phrases that make them feel impelled
to follow a choice selected for them.
ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT CHOICES YOU WILL EVER MAKE IS YOUR
CHOICE OF FRIENDS, AND OF THE PERSONS WITH WHOM YOU ARE
GOING TO HAVE THE MOST CONTACT.
CHOOSE WELL AND PROSPER !
Fifth Session: RELATIONSHIPS
Looked
at in one way, this subject can be one of the most complex
studies we could undertake. After all, all of the world’s
problems (and there are very many of those) could be traced
back to bad relationships of one type or another. If we
were to include an outline of all the things that lead to
bad relationships this would be a very long study indeed.
For
this reason, we are going to look at the subject in a more
productive way. That is from the point of view of what is
good relationship, and how that can be brought
into being. After all, if we know that we can easily work
out that all departures from it will lead to worsening of
relationship.
Good Relationships
GOOD RELATIONSHIPS GROW OUT OF GOOD COMMUNICATION.
Good
communication grows out of the willingness to share.
If
what we are sharing is information of one kind or another,
we need to be willing to listen, as well as to talk.
Listening
doesn’t just mean hearing the words spoken, but also understanding
the meaning of what the other person wants to convey. This
sometimes requires patience and goodwill. Also sometimes
required is the willingness to ask a question when you haven’t
understood fully what the other person has said.
Be
willing to be INTERESTED to the same degree as you are being
INTERESTING.
Other
elements of the fuel that empowers a good relationship
Good
Judgement
Trust
Openness
Affinity
Loyalty
Having
ideas in common on important or interesting issues
Understanding
Generosity
of spirit
Respect
A
proper balance between compassion and not suffering fools
gladly
Good
judgement
Having
good judgement is not the same thing as being judgmental.
Almost everything we do requires judging and estimating
things in order to create good outcomes from what we do.
This is very different from being judgmental about someone.
Being judgmental is taking a ‘holier than thou’ attitude
to another person, which is a way to damage relationships.
If
you’re going to be in communication with someone, and so
are going to share information that could be misused, first
be sure that the other person is trustworthy and able to
be discrete about what you have revealed. If in doubt find
a way test this first, otherwise you may endanger other
good relationships.
The
tools we can use to review existing relationships are good
judgement and good perception (accurate observation). Accurate
perception is a part of good judgement. In a good relationship
of any kind, a very damaging thing is to misunderstand.
No one likes being misunderstood by someone close because
it ruptures the feeling of closeness. If in the slightest
doubt about another’s actions or communications, withhold
judgement until you have given the other party the opportunity
to explain, and to answer any questions you need to ask.
Trust
Trust
is like the soil out of which a good relationship can grow.
If it is not there, or cannot be relied upon, there will
not be a good or rewarding relationship. All parties to
the relationship need to establish and maintain trustworthiness.
Even just a single breach can be very damaging. It does
not take much imagination to understand why this is, because
you know full well that when someone breaks your trust,
you never know whether they can be trusted in the future.
If you value a relationship you have, then make very sure
that you are going to be trustworthy. You need this from
others, but it is a two-way thing, so you must be willing
to give it as well as to receive it.
Also,
because of trust having to be a two -way thing, you need
to devise ways of testing the other party’s trustworthiness,
otherwise you may leave yourself vulnerable.
Openness
We
all enjoy it when we are confided in by another, and they
are willing to tell us about the difficulties that they
have or the errors that they make as well as the good things
that they do. It makes you realise that you’re a trusted
person. Because openness is another of these two -way things,
once you have established that the other person is also
trustworthy, you can give them the great gift of your openness
and this will help the relationship to prosper.
Affinity
The
feeling of affinity, or closeness that we have with others is one of our
most valued commodities. Again, it is one of those things
that can only flourish when it is given as well as received.
It really is the glue that holds a relationship together.
Fostering
and nurturing all of the items on this list of things that
create good relationship is also the way to expand and grow
affinity. If there is someone that you want to be close
to, then you can create this best by fostering with them
any of the other items on this list.
Loyalty
None
of us are islands unto ourselves. There are always those
times when we really need the support of others upon whom
we can rely for help when we feel low, or are in need of
help. If we cannot rely on those close to us, or they cannot
rely upon us for loyal assistance when needed, then our
relationship is going nowhere meaningful.
Ideas
in common
When
you are considering forming a close personal relationship
with another, but are in disagreement on too many fronts
with the ideas they hold, or you are in disagreement with
them on issues of much importance to you both, then creating
a good relationship is going to be difficult. Even if you
do manage it by having other areas of agreement, the relationship
will probably be fragile. There will be pitfalls that can
be difficult to avoid, because it is impossible to predict
when our disagreement is going to arise, or under what circumstances.
It might well at some stage badly affect another relationship
that we have and so strain our loyalties in other directions.
I
think therefore that we must question the value of investing
a lot of time in trying to create a close personal relationship
in these circumstances. It’s also little use to feign agreement
in order to gain favour, because it doesn’t really take
long for others to discover the falsity.
On
the other hand, when the relationship you want to form is
more of a professional one, or some other working relationship,
ideas in common are not so essential. You may have some
very different ideas and aspirations from them, and perhaps
share other ideas that are in common. But through communicating,
you may find that they have qualities that you’re able to
respect, and so will be able to create a good working relationship,
and be able therefore to negotiate around any major differences
that might arise in the future.
Understanding
Understanding
is one of the greatest gifts that we can give to someone
else in any kind of relationship with them that we have.
Can
you remember any time when you really needed someone to
understand you, and when others could not, one other person
came forward and was able to give you that, and what a difference
it made.
If
you can work to become a person who has real understanding
of life, and is willing to pass that on to another when
there is need, you will be sought after in any kind of relationship.
You will also give to yourself one of the greatest gifts
that life has to offer.
Generosity
of spirit
This
has two main elements. The first element is being willing
to share in all sorts of ways with another, both in
material ways, and other ways. It could include (if in appropriate
circumstances at the time), any of the following as examples,
and many more that I’m sure you could add yourselves:
Food; shelter; financial assistance; understanding; open communication;
your time; your companionship.
The
other element is goodwill. This includes wishing
the best to happen for another person, as well as giving
them a helping hand to achieve a good outcome when you’re
able. It is the love and goodwill that we give to others
that keeps the world going when all else looks gloomy.
Respect
Without
the existence of respect, good relationship cannot exist.
Although it is true that respect is something that has to
be earned, and not just given, that idea can also lead to
a bad error that’s destructive at both the personal level,
and within the community at large.
The
world is not perfect, no community is perfect, other people
are not perfect, and we ourselves are certainly not perfect.
Does this mean that nothing and nobody deserves any respect?
We would not really want total perfection, for then there
could be no challenge or adventure to be had in life. The
existence of imperfection, misadventure, and even some amount
of suffering are what make adventure and challenge possible
in our lives. And indeed, of all things that human beings
seem to need, challenge and adventure rule.
But
just because someone, or the community, or society in general
do let us down sometimes does not mean that no respect to
them is due. This is because all of them, we ourselves included,
have our strengths, and our weaknesses. And so it is, that while we may not have earned much respect in one direction,
it does not mean that we deserve contempt on all fronts,
for there are certainly other areas where we have earned
our dues.
It
is just the same with the community, with society at large,
with the world, and so it is with any other person. Just
because someone has not met your standard for respect in
one direction doesn’t mean they deserve no respect in other
places that you haven’t taken the time or effort to find
out about.
Relationship
is not just about our relations with other individuals,
but also is to do with groups that we join, with the community,
society at large, and all of the
world.
One
large element in the breakdown of society that leads to
criminality is an almost total loss of respect for the world.
The criminal sees little justice in society, and holds onto
that to justify criminal actions. His life seems to have
shown him that force rules, and that lying and cheating
are how you can win and dominate. He hasn’t really experienced
the other and more powerful side of life involved with real
and loving relationships, and so follows a menu of the harsher
rules of life that he has acquired. This leaves little room
for the finer feelings of life or any real regard for others,
unless they’re able to command his respect in some way that
fits the harsh rules that he adheres to.
Just
because injustice does happen, it’s a mistake to think that
society deserves no respect. Proper justice happens too,
and what the society has built over many years that does
provide for us in so many ways deserves respect, despite
any shortcomings. Those shortcomings are for us in our turn
to do our part to help to improve.
Proper
balance between compassion and not suffering fools gladly
This
is not an easy item either to discuss, or to put into practise,
because there will probably be as many different opinions
as to what is a proper balance as there are people present.
And to practise it is complicated by the fact that our emotions
are quite actively involved, even vulnerable, in this aspect
of relationship. Never mind, that should make for a lively
discussion.
We
may never be able to always get the balance right on this
item, but the main thihg is for us to be aware of the issue,
and so do the best we can with it.
All
we can really indicate about it is that without the presence
of a good amount of compassion for others, this world would
indeed be a sorry place. The exercise of compassion is a
quality that belongs to the territory of the deepest soul
in the inner nature of a human being. On the other hand,
suffering fools too much can waste really valuable time,
and so impede, or even endanger progress with goals that
are important and of real value. Nevertheless this is a
question which each of us has to confront and arrive at
our own decision upon from time to time. Too much of one,
or the other may have unwanted consequences either to the
ihher soul, or otherwise to our ability to attain desired
and useful goals.
This
completes our rundown on the subject of relationships. There
are many other things that could be added to the list, but
I think we’ve covered the most important ones. In any case,
anyone who becomes proficient in all of the ones we have
covered will most certainly have no difficulty with that
most rewarding area of our lives that is the domain of relationships.
Sixth
Session What kind of person do I want to become.
We
are multi-level beings. The following is a rundown of the
different modes of awareness that together go to make up
a complete human being.
We
are aware of, and are part of the physical level via our
body.
We
occupy the domain of our feelings within the level of our
being that we know as emotional awareness and experience.
We
can choose to occupy and act from either the level of awareness
of lower mind, or from our higher mind. Most of us act sometimes
from one, and sometimes from the other.
There
is another mode of awareness that we call intuition.
Next
is the level of awareness of the inner soul (not to be confused
with what some call the emotional or animal soul).
Another
level of awareness within us is that which is
the origin of inspiration and creative genius.
Finally
comes the level where our consciousness transcends the more
usual levels of human awareness. Some call this spiritual
awareness. Whatever it is, it is that domain of our being
from where we may draw upon the most uplifting and empowering
energies of the cosmos which may be experienced as a serene
state of unity with all of existence.
As
we go through life, we create who we are to become by how
much we connect with or inhabit these various modes of consciousness.
There
are some who rarely choose to occupy any of the modes beyond
the lower mind level. There are those who are more comfortable
occupying the mode of the intellect (a part of the higher
mind) than being in the physical mode. There are those who
are very well exercised and accomplished in the physical
body mode, and are adept at sports.
On
this subject a great lot depends upon which modes of awareness
we mostly choose to occupy. We do that by what areas we
choose to be interested and active within. And so it is
that we create and evolve into the kind of person we are
going to become.
It is probably wise to endeavour to occupy and exercise
all of these modes in equal degree, so as to become a really
well balanced person. But who can speak for another, because
to achieve certain goals we may need to create some modes
to be more dominant than others. It’s just not usually best
to get too far out of balance with it, but the choice is
entirely ours to make.
The
rest of this session will be around other aspects of what
sort of a person are we going to choose to become in our
journey through life.
In
our fourth session one of the subjects we looked at was
about the choices that we make as we go through life. That
subject is very closely related to the subject of this present
section in the following way:
The choices that we make in our lives create
the kind of person that we’re going to become.
So
many people go through their whole lives drifting along
making choice after choice, and never realising that they’re
creating what they become. They somehow think that ‘circumstances’,
or other people, made them like they are. If we examine
closely, we can see that those things may play a part in
the choices that we make, but we are the only ones who make
the choice itself. We will be more effective in life if
we realise this, because we don’t have to be pushed into
what others try to make us choose to do, or to become.
In
this section we will be making suggestions about what may
be good or helpful choices to make in life. This is mainly
to induce you all to at least explore,
and to become aware of the possibilities before making up
your own minds about any pathway in life that you may decide
to choose.
There
is a very fundamental choice that anyone can make. Which
of the ways you choose on this one will have a major effect
upon what you are to become. This world is full of problems,
and it can never be perfect, but it is possible for us to
help to create a better adventure here in this world. Our
most fundamental choice ever, is are
we going to be part of the problem, or part of the solution.
We therefore can choose to help make this a better place
or a worse one. Which do you choose?
Other
possible choices
----You may choose (or choose not to):
1.
Learn how to connect with qualities that come from the soul,
such as:
A blissful sense of unity with everything
A sense of the brotherhood of all of mankind
Universal love
Compassion
Care for the welfare of others
Connection with uplifting universal energies
A sense of benevolence towards the world at large
Ability to use the magic of forgiveness when needed
A sense of fulfilment and harmony that dissolves any feelings
of depression or alienation
An understanding and insight into the things of life
A willingness to share power with others rather than
the desire for power over others
2.
You can choose whether or not you are going to keep a balance
between the head and the heart, or in other words between
the wisdom of the mind and the wisdom of the soul. (This
is probably an advisable thing to do in the kind of world
in which we live, but the choice must be yours).
3.
You can choose a path of happiness and fulfilment by creating
and following principles in life that are aligned with the
integrity of who and what you are, and who and what you
aspire to be.
4.
You may choose between following the lower mind and its
more selfish desires and wishes for power over others, or
you can choose instead to centre within the higher mind
territory with its broader, clearer vision and helpful attitudes.
In
the end the powers of the higher mind will always outclass
those of the domain of the lower mind which is also the
holder of resentments, angers, a feeling of alienation from
others, and a facility for misunderstanding and deception.
It is also the holder of unhelpful and bad attitudes, and
tends to seek revenge upon others and the world for their
imperfections, but is unwilling to see its own.
CONCLUSION
This
ends off our exploration of all of the possibilities from
which we may choose for creating whatever kind of lives
we want for ourselves in the future.
I hope that you will use and benefit from the self-help
method given earlier for the clearing of stress, frustrations,
anxieties, and any future upsets that you may suffer. Also
likewise for the method given for the raising of morale.
Finally,
I hope that you have enjoyed doing this course, and exploring
all of the ideas and insights provided, and where possible,
may pass them on to others.
